I feel worthless everyday. I feel like my existence is meaningless and there's no point in living. Yet despite this I continue to live anyway.
So I was recently diagnosed with depression, although this didn't come as a surprise to me. I've always known there was something wrong with me. Now I've just had it confirmed. Anyway, there's something in particular I really want to talk about so here goes.
I had this really amazing friend who I used to do everything with and spend so much time with. It was crazy the amount of time we'd spend together, but recently, I began to realise how one sided our friendship is and this really pissed me off. I started over thinking my brain (like I usually tend to do about everything) about how I care for her way more that she cares for me. I'm always the one to start the conversations on emails and whenever something really amazing happens, she's always the first one I want to share it with.
Well, not any more. Recently I've found that I have a great deal of disdain towards her. I want her to feel ignored like she makes me feel ignored. I want her to feel depressed the way I can feel depressed sometimes. I want her to hurt like I've been hurt. She hasn't done anything wrong though. Perhaps I'm just hating her because she's normal and I'm not. Or maybe it's because she makes me feel as if she doesn't care, even though she sort of does? Obviously I'm exaggerating a little, but that's what I do.
So from now on, I'm going to regard her (let's call her Abby) as my nemesis.
Are you getting a sense of how melodramatic I am?
I've decided that it is essential that I have a nemesis and Abby is the one who best fits the bill. I read somewhere that your nemesis is a person who was once your best friend some time in the past and someone who you still care about but you want to see them suffer. Also, if someone else tried to her your nemesis, you'd hurt that person because you're the only one who can hurt your nemesis, not them. So now I've made her my nemesis.
I kinda like the idea of having a nemesis...
